Obviously, the last couple of weeks have been ones of self-discovery for me. Shocker, right?
My biggest concern coming into the film course was that I have very little experience, especially with professional cameras and DSLR. Seriously, I didn't know "neutral density" from a bowl of fruit a week ago. That said, though, I have all these images that exist in my head, playing like a film, over and over as I imagine these scenes. Whether these are scenes from my books, screenplays, or my constant daydream world that has changed and evolved over the years which is essentially just an overdramatized version of my life. We all have that though... right?
Right...?
Anyhow. That was my biggest concern. Now, you might be wondering: "Adira, if you don't know a camera from a stick of butter, why are you going to film school?" Well, to learn-- Obviously. Geez, keep up. That's the thing, right. We go to school, university, what have you, as an opportunity to learn. Yet, there's been this culture of perfectionism that's somehow emerged over the last couple of decades, which I think is incredibly toxic. It's this concept that you have to be good at something to bother pursuing it. If you aren't good naturally, then you have to somehow become perfect overnight. I'll admit, I fell into that trap a little bit when I first tried university, fresh out of high school. I tried taking Greek classes, thinking it would be easy because I took to Latin so well throughout high school. Within two weeks, I quit the class because I couldn't learn the alphabet in the week I was expected to, and failed terribly when asked to speak in front of the class. So I swore it off forever rather than trying to power through. Cowardice? Perfectionism? Possibly a mix of both.
It was a change of pace, really, deciding to go into film with so little experience, one I hoped would redeem my failure with the "Greek incident". Thankfully, it would appear I had a little bit more to me than I thought. I've played around a lot with a camera since I was young. I have a photographic memory, and like I say, I seem to envision my fantasies in a series of cinematic shots. So, today, when we were framing shots, I kind of just knew on instinct what angles and lighting looked best. Not only that, but I knew which shots and angles would flow the best. It's one of those situations where you go into something blindly, thinking you'll be the worst, but instead discover you have "the knack".
What I'm getting at, is that just because you think you'll be the worst at something, doesn't necessarily make it true. Even if you are, who really cares? Rather than seeing it as a failing, you should see it as an opportunity for growth and learning, which is never, ever a bad thing. They key is to try, and not just give it one go, but keep persisting. Practice makes perfect, and hopefully by the end of this year I'll know my way around a camera...
Better than the Greek alphabet, anyway.
Love,
Adira
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